Being a dad

Most Dads want to be there for their children but at times other activities, such as work, can make that hard.

Dads live in many different situations including as one of a two-parent family, as a step-parent, a single parent or within a part-time family. Some Dads are looking for work, some work full or part-time, and some care for the children all the time while their partner works full-time. These situations bring new pressures and possibilities for Dads.

One thing is for sure: what it means to be a Dad today is changing.

There has been a big shift from what can be considered the ‘traditional’ fathering towards ‘non-traditional’ fathering over the years. Any Dads way might be a combination of these two types, or might be more one than the other on some days. Whatever way a Dad takes on his role, it should match the needs of his family and give all family members a ‘fair go’.

Sometimes, a Dads partner may carry most of the load of parenting and domestic duties, and she probably works as well. It is in a Dads best interest to be in touch with his partners needs and to work together as a team. Maintaining a healthy, loving relationship with a partner is about the best thing that can be done for children, it gives them an environment in which to flourish. On the other hand, having constant conflict with a partner is among the worst things that can be done for children.

Many Dads say they learned to be a father from their own Dad. Australian men often describe their fathers as having little involvement with them as children, that there was a ‘lack of closeness’. Remember that in the time between being a child and now being a Dad there has been the shift from ‘traditional’ fathering, and in addition to building the best qualities and skills you learnt from your own dad into your parenting, you may also want to develop some other aspects of parenting in which your Dad was lacking. There is a lot of discussion today about men needing to make peace with their Dads in order to get their own lives on track. All Dads of whatever generation could do worse than to sort through their own experience of being fathered, in order to clear the way to be a better Dad.

Many Dads feel a tension between work and family life – they want to be good providers and also be there for their children. At times, trying to combine both as well as getting time for your partner and then yourself is very stressful. It would be nice to spend more time at home, but when things are tight, you have to work. All is not lost. Children receive positive spin-offs from what you do in addition to your direct involvement with them, like esteem from seeing you achieve at work and in other areas of life, such as sport, or simply being a handyman. When they see their Dad strive and work hard, it teaches them important lessons about responsibility, diligence and perseverance.

There are many ways to ‘be there’ for your children each day. In the mornings, you can say ‘good morning’ even if you have to go to work early, you can help them get breakfast, make their lunches, turn off the TV and chat before you go to work. In the evenings, you can try to get home for family dinner, ask them about their day ‘what was the best/worst thing about today?’, hold family discussions or meetings, take an interest in their homework without being critical, watch TV with them, have a TV free family night each week, have a special bedtime routine like a story or chat, and don’t forget to share with them about your own day.

This is just a snippet of information from the On Being a Dad booklet from Relationships Australia, read the full article here.